Getting Past Approach Fears
There you are, looking at a beautiful woman, wanting to go up to her and say something witty, but your feet won't move and your tongue and stomach are in knots. What do you do, how do you overcome this intense anxiety? Not knowing what to say, fear of rejection and inexperience are all contributors to this anxiety and can be overcome if you try.
One key thing to understanding approach anxiety is to look at when you are approaching women. Most men wait until they are out on the town, so to speak, and approach women at the bar or nightclub. Sometimes this works and other times it does not. However, you will spend the rest of your days and nights not even thinking about approaching a pretty girl. You're either too busy or it simply does not cross your mind. Therein lies a large part of your problem, because once you are ready to seek out and approach a woman again the anxiety if back full force.
Often times the best way to overcome the anxiety is to make approaching women a part of your daily life, a part of who you are. Perhaps you are missing your soul mate because they cross your path every Monday through Friday and you never see them when you are out looking on the weekends. You have to get over yourself and the excuses that often cause you to not approach.
Excuses versus Reasons to Approach
- Instead of thinking "I'm too busy", think What if she's the one?
- Instead of "I don't have time", think: What will a couple of minutes really cost me?
- Instead of "She's not that hot anyway", think: What if she has really beautiful smile?
- Instead of "She's too busy, I don't want to interrupt", think: Maybe she needs a short distraction.
Giving in to excuses is simply letting your own fear win. You have to put yourself into a confident mindset. Make a confident approach a part of who you are; something you do regularly and then the anxiety will start to ease. How do you do that? Here are some tips to put into action.
Tips and Tricks for Approaching
- Talk just for the experience of the conversation. If you introduce yourself and talk to a woman just for the sake of a quick chat, then the anxiety of rejection is removed from the equation. Who knows, something may come from the encounter; but if not then at least you have practiced approaching.
- Take yourself out of your safety zone. If you never work through uncomfortable situations, then you will never be truly over the anxiety. Take small risks if you're too anxious, but do take them. Look at each encounter as a learning exercise and take away from it what went well and what you need to work on.
- Make it a habit to approach the first pretty woman you see every day. You may have to leave a little early in order to make time for this exercise, but just do what you have to. By starting out your day with a social interaction you will put yourself into a positive mindset to conquer your fears the rest of the day.
You don't have to let anxiety of the approach run your entire social life. You can overcome it with a little practice and some bravery. Don't look at a "no" as rejection all of the time, see it as experience. Take the time to go over the interaction and see what went wrong, and what went right. Maybe she was waiting on someone, maybe she truly was busy; just keep at it. Make it a part of who you are!
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